Thursday, September 20, 2018
Body boss
1 Corinthians 7:4
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
The Corinthian society, during the time of the early church, was obsessed with sex. They were so obsessed with sex that they made sex a part of worship in the pagan temples, and temple prostitutes were a standard feature of life and religion.
As we know from the first New Testament letter that Paul wrote to the Corinthian Christians, the same sex culture of the society had made its way into the church. It seems like they had every kind of sexual immorality all the way to incest.
It seems as though while some in the church were participating in this kind of activity, others were concerned and were not comfortable that this was in keeping with the teachings of Jesus, whom they now believed in and were following. So, they wrote to Paul asking some specific questions. They seemed particularly concerned about sex in marriage.
Paul addresses the issue by extending his primary metaphor for understanding sexual issues – the body is not yours. As we remember, earlier, Paul taught that the body is the Lord’s so we have to be careful with what we do with it. Now he’s saying that when we are married, the Lord’s body, in the context of sex, is under management and we are not the management.
Sex outside of marriage is betrayal. Paul teaches here that, firstly, it is a betrayal of Jesus by whose sacrifice on Calvary we were saved – bought at a price. Here he adds that, secondly, it is a betrayal of our manager – our body boss.
Paul seeks to discourage selfishness, and selfish pleasure from the sexual decisions that we make. Our bodies are the Lord’s under the management of our marriage partner. This gives us a whole new perspective on sex and decisions about sex.
Of course, how we implement this is going to be the next issue. I know a Christian man whose wife decided to withhold sex from him because of some misunderstandings they were having. She went to bed and wrapped herself tightly in a blanket. The man could not remove the blanket. However, he saw this as a clear case of her either not knowing or not understanding the teaching of the scriptures. In an effort to persuade her to have sex with him he went for his Bible read the relevant passage to her so that she would know that he was her body boss.
Of course, it didn’t work. More success at sex has been achieved with flowers, chocolates, perfumes, dinner, dancing, and the like than have by quoting the New Testament to the reluctant partner.
Certainly, being the body boss doesn’t mean a licence to be bossy. The mutual submission that is required for this to work should remove any abuse that could normally flow from being in a position of authority over another.
There is not a lot of talk and not a lot of teaching in church these days around this matter of sex in marriage. This is the case despite Paul’s full-throated treatment of the matter in a very direct way in response to the Corinthian questions.
Paul insists that sexual fulfilment is an expected component of the marriage institution and he counsels the parties in a marriage, both husbands and wives, to be purposeful in ensuring that this is the case. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:3.
Further, Paul’s teaches that sex in marriage is not to be withheld unless there is a mutual agreement to do so and that such an agreement, if and when made, should be a short-term one intended only to facilitate a focus on spiritual matters. “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5.
It is clear too, from that verse, that Paul acknowledged the power of sexual temptation even for those who are married, and Satan’s capacity, and readiness, to take advantage of our sexual nature.
I have counselled enough couples to know that many in marriage, women especially, fail to appreciate this fact. Many women have sought to weaponize sex by withholding it during times of conflict, or in an attempt to manipulate their partners. Many have suffered irreparable damage to their marriage and sex lives. To withhold sex is to usurp the authority of the partner, to expose them to sexual temptation, to which they might yield, and to undermine God’s design for sexual fulfilment in the family.
Just for the record, while the lady who deprived her husband is wrong, equally wrong is anyone who is made to suffer sexual abuse in the name of the authority given by the scripture. It is clear here that the teaching is designed for mutual enjoyment and mutual fulfilment. Anything less or different is not in keeping with God’s design and the New Testament teaching.
The boss’ responsibility is to ensure fulfilment for the one over whose body they have authority.
Think on these things:
- If you are a married person, how would you describe the nature of the sexual relationship with your spouse?
- Have you been made to feel that the sexual relationship is for your spouse’s benefit and not for yours?
- Does your church teach young couples, preparing for marriage, how to approach the issues of sexual fulfilment in marriage, and provide support for married persons who might be experiencing challenges in this area?
Prayer focus:
Let us pray today that we would acknowledge our sexual nature and properly manage our sexual responsibility for others.
In His Grace
Pastor Alex
