Thursday, May 21, 2020
Comforter

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Death, grief, and suffering strike every home and family at one point or the other. My cousins and I, in my generation of the family, have had too much experience with death. My memories of dealing with death go back to 1972 when our grandfather died in November, and then as we tried to recover, our grandmother died a month later, the day before Christmas Eve.

News of death always travelled quickly, long before it had the legs of social media to carry it. Now that news is as instant as everything. Now, even before we get word to all the family, total strangers are expressing condolences. The phones don’t stop ringing, the messages and posts don’t stop coming, and people don’t stop showing up at the door.

Except that this is 2020 and the matter of showing up at the door is no longer practised, at least not now, and not for a while to come it seems. The imperatives for physical distancing in order to slow, if not stop, the spread of the deadly COVID-19 causing virus have altered everything, including how we mourn, and how we offer comfort to those who mourn.

Jesus, in the well known Beatitudes with which He opened His sermon on the Mount, said that those who mourn would be blessed by the comfort that they receive from others. People show up in your time of grief and distress. It’s the way we are built. 

Look at examples of death and the associated mourning during the ministry of Jesus and we see gatherings of those who came to mourn with those who mourn.

In the case of the death of Lazarus, “many of the Jews had joined the women around Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother.” John 11:19. Then in the case of the widow at Nain, “when He came near the gate of the city, behold, a dead man was being carried out, the only son of his mother; and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the city was with her.” Luke 7:12. The same happened at the home of Jairus when his daughter died, “He came to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and saw a tumult and those who wept and wailed loudly.” Mark 5:38.

There is also the story of Dorcas during Peter’s ministry. “Peter went with them, and when he arrived he was taken upstairs to the room. All the widows stood around him, crying and showing him the robes and other clothing that Dorcas had made while she was still with them.” Acts 9:39.

The high point for this in the scriptures, of course, is the whole story of Job whose friends came and sat with him as he mourned the loss of his children, as well as the loss of every material thing he owned.

When you have mourned, when you have cried, when you have been comforted, you learn a vital lesson in both receiving and giving comfort. 

The Apostle Paul put it this way, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3,4. 

A relative of mine, who lost her husband early, shared how much she learned about the grieving process. Since then she has been able to help quite a few other women deal with the loss of their husbands.

Today though, people are saying goodbye alone. Sometimes so alone that they are not even physically with the loved one to whom they are saying goodbye. The fortunate ones may have the benefit of technology and the time of a compassionate health care worker. And then they are forced to mourn alone.

This morning I noticed that my wife had two black and white dresses hanging outside of the closet. These she wore recently to funerals she attended via ZOOM. ZOOM funerals are now a thing, no handshakes, no hugs, no sharing of tissue to dab running eyes. Just the varied picture quality, and often terrible sound depending on who is speaking, what device they have, and where they are.

For those of us who are pastors and leaders in ministry, providing comfort is not just for our family and friends, it’s a part of what we have to do, it’s what one person termed “grief-work”.

For me, after life has taken its toll on me, and my protective layers have been peeled away exposing me at a deeper level, I find that to cry is an involuntary reflex that reflects a freedom to grieve over my own loss and to also grieve with others. 

Weathered by life, exfoliated with time, we are better able to grieve and to do that grief-work.

However, I am learning new lessons about grief and comfort in this COVID-19 pandemic. We need each other in times of loss and mourning, we need the calls, the cards, the flowers, the tissues, and yes, we need the hugs. But sometimes these things cause us to forget the source of all the comfort that we transmit.

It is the Holy Spirit who is the ultimate comforter but He uses us as the instruments of comfort to others as we ourselves have been comforted. However, the Holy Spirit is not limited to our presence and hugs. It’s a hard truth at a time like this, but it is a necessary one.

Think on these things:

1. If you have ever lost a loved one, think again about your own grieving process, can you remember those who brought you comfort?
2. What experiences have shaped your response to loss and grief?
3. What are the things or actions that made the biggest difference during mourning?
4. How do you think that you could provide comfort without being able to get close to the mourner?

Prayer focus:

Let us pray today for those in mourning, that they would find comfort in the arms of God even as our arms are unavailable.

In His Grace
Pastor Alex

Notes

1. This Devotional was revised and edited for the COVID-19 context. It was previously published, Friday, March 16, 2018, titled Comfort
2. Photo Credit: Vitor Soares, 21, reacts during the burial of his grandmother Enedina Correa Soares, 71, who is suspected to have died from COVID-19, at the Parque Taruma cemetery in Manaus, Brazil, May 6, 2020. REUTERS/Bruno Kelly