Conditional forgiveness
Matthew 6:15
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Jesus seemed to be pretty hung up on the issue of forgiveness. After discussing it at the point when He was addressing giving, He returns to it in the model prayer that He taught his disciples, Matthew 6:9-15. And not just in the prayer, He reiterates in the comments made after the prayer.
He taught them to pray for forgiveness that corresponds to their own acts of forgiveness, seeming to make our request for God’s forgiveness conditional upon our forgiveness of others, “And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors. Matthew 6:12.
That view of forgiveness was, like we just said, reiterated when Jesus made a declaration that was longer than the reference in the actual prayer “ For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ Matthew 6:14,15.
The conditionality is clear.
The tendency is to tell people to “ignore the haters”, and to not let them “hold you back” and you “need to move on with your life” however, Jesus seems to be saying that ruptured relationships are a problem that needs attention.
This is a hard lesson that I had to learn in my own life after I struggled for years to forgive my father who never took care of me in any material, emotional, or social way. I got to a place of such discomfort before God that persisted until I had found my father, forgiven him and reconciled with him.
Now, if you have ever been hurt deeply by someone, especially someone close to you like a parent, another close relative, a best friend, a former spouse even, and you have never reconciled with them, what I just said about my father would seem bizarre. But Jesus makes it clear that God’s forgiveness is conditional.
To be clear, we must understand that here we are not talking about the forgiveness that leads to salvation. The sinner who comes to God in faith believing that Jesus is the Son of God, who came and lived at our level, and then to die for our sin, will be saved. Romans 10:9,10 says “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
What we are talking about though is forgiveness in our ongoing relationship with God. It is there that we need to ensure that we are active in reconciliation, where it is required. The reconciliation in our day to day relationships is a part of the reason why Jesus died. This level of reconciliation is also a testimony of our faith in Jesus, a mark of the Holy Spirit’s presence in our lives, and a demonstration of our commitment to the ministry to which we were called.
The Apostle Paul captures it this way writing to the church in Corinth, “Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:18. We, the people of God, have been given the ministry of reconciliation, but we can’t go about attempting to bring people into reconciliation when we ourselves are not reconciled in the most significant relationships of our lives.
The Apostle Peter addressed that more directly, speaking in the context of the marital relationship, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7. (This passage raises a number of issues which women especially would want to be addressed but let’s leave those for another day.) The point being made here is that a break down in the marital relationship is a hindrance to prayer. It needs to be fixed because God’s intervention is conditional.
Again, to those who haven’t had a difficult marriage, this whole idea of hindered prayer on account of matrimonial discord may seem bizarre. But to others, whose marriages have been difficult or ended, the feeling of wretchedness before God is a reality. As the saying goes these days, “the struggle is real.”
In closing, there is a tendency to think about who is right and who is wrong when we address forgiveness and reconciliation but there is no basis for that really. God forgave us and reconciled us to Himself, and the record will show that we are the sinners.
Jesus was clear in Matthew 5:23,24, “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
It seems that the person who was advised to leave the gift to pursue reconciliation was the one who was wronged. This though was a condition for his forgiveness.
Think on these things:
- Do you have a broken relationship that needs to be mended?
- In your experience, have you made reconciliation a priority for broken relationships?
- Do you know relatives, friends, or co-workers who need to be reconciled, if so, how could you help?
Prayer focus:
Let us pray today that we would learn to forgive and to pursue reconciliation where the opportunities exist.
In His Grace
Pastor Alex
